Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
