Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
