me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i came on her dog
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
