I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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