we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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