I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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