it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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