Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
