and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm way too hungover for life right now
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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