Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
