dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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