I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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