What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
