Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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