I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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