my mouth tastes like poor choices
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Still dying that you shit outside
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
