hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dicks are not precious.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
