I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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