you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
