I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
