Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You took a bar mat shot.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
