Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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