remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
