that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's blow job season.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
