Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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