I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
