just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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