addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
