She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Randomize
