i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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