U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
