Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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