Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
