My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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