IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
