Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
40s are totally the cure
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
