It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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