I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
