There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
