He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My balls are so social today.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
