Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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