Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
