these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
