I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
