i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
