ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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