if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
