I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
