there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
