i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
