I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
